Break-ups and Relationship Endings

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When To Leave The Relationship: Break-Ups and Downs

Relationship break-ups are tough decisions, no matter how many people you talk to, how many nights you wake up or how many counseling sessions you attend. Throw in the fact that it's a marriage and children are involved, it might just be the biggest decision of your life (not to stress you out).

Some people make decisions about breaking up easily. However, for many it is grueling to go through the waffling back and forth over the course of a day, a week, a month... or even years. Click here for more information on letting go. There are two parts of ourselves to consult when contemplating break-up. The first is the head, the second is the heart.

The head is logical and rational and can weigh the assets and liabilities, pros and cons and look at the "reasonable" thing to do. Check in with your head. See what it says. Make your list...but don't give your head total decision-making power.

The second important part is the heart. This can be harder to decipher because our fears, attachments and emotions easily obscure what the heart says. As you get in touch with your heart, pay attention to your body. How does it feel when you imagine the break-up? What comes up for you? What are your dreams? What do you want for your life? Is this relationship holding that back? Can your relationship accommodate your dreams? Pay attention to your hunches, your dreams at night, your intuition. Slow down, meditate, get quiet so you can listen to your heart and inner wisdom.

Don't confuse your heart with your attachment and the heavy, emotional ties to this person. All relationships get bogged down with emotional entanglements and these aren't the same as love.

Perhaps the hardest thing about deciding whether to break-up is that it is your decision and yours alone. No matter what others say or tell you to do, it's your life in the end. It can be very difficult to juggle other people's opinions. Some times you just might not want to get so much advice because it muddies the waters of clarity that you are striving to find.

Even if you seek advice from others, in the end, remember to ask your heart for your true answer. Only you know and feel what it's like to be in this relationship day in and day out, through good times and bad. If you think you might be in an abusive relationship, click here.

Break-Up Advice and Tips:

Do not end the relationship from a place of weakness, such as, "I can't do this anymore! I'm too tired." You might truly feel this way but you need to come from a place of strength when you end a relationship. Get some rest before you do it.

Understand that your partner or spouse may:
*Try to talk you out of it
*Not try to talk you out of it
*Say very hurtful things and threats out of desperation

After you break the news, you may feel doubt and second guess yourself. Give the doubt space. Let it come and pass. With time and space alone you will have more clarity. The first stage of a relationship's end is dealing with the immediate situation in front of you. It means one of you moving out and figuring out the details. Once you have been separated for a week or so, you will more actively go through a stage of letting go. In the letting go phase of the relationship there will be feelings of sadness, failure, loss, loneliness, anger and maybe even regret. Make space for and give a wide berth to these varying emotions.